Sunday afternoon phone call
“I love you, mom. See you Saturday”
Phone call on Tuesday that sent me into a tailspin.
“Things are not good, you need to meet us there.”
Rushing to reach her, tears continuously flowing.
Entering the room, her skin is so gray.
She flashes that smile as they wheel her away.
White walls surround us.
Humming of machines in every corner
Constant buzz of doctors, nurses everywhere.
No sounds of her laughter
No more smiles, no warm hugs to greet me.
Her voice plays over in my head, longing to hear her speak again.
Hours turn into days
Days slowly turn into weeks.
Endless tests, procedures…over and over again.
Finally we are called together
We must decide
Nothing left to help her, nothing more we can do
One final meeting before we must decide.
Sudden drop in heart rate
No time left to decide.
She made the last, final decision for us.
Unbearable pain that has not ended
Unbearable sorrow that has not lifted.
It never goes away, never gets easier
Third Christmas without her laughter
Third birthday without her thanking me for being there.
Third everything without her reassuring voice and hearing “I love you, baby.”
What I would give for just one more call
One more hug
One more I love you.
Miss you more than words can express…..I love you Mama!
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